Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
