So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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