i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
