Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
