In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
