It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
