dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize