It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
