Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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