how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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