my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's like iHOP with fire
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
