uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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