She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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