dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
