She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were trust falling into bushes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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