i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
