Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
