So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
