Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
