he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
