so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
