White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
