You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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