i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
