Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
