Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
