Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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