how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize