Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
