Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
