i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she peed on how many people?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
