bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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