we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
