Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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