You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
