If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
