cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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