I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
