i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
