why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize