Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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