Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
