You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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