she woke up with a sticky ear
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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