so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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