Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize