You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
