Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You ruined the universe
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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