Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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