So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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