I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
