id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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