at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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