i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
