I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
