Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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