I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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