That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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