Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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