omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
