we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize