Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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