Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
