I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
