I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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