i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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