How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
