I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
