thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
