You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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