I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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