Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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