So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
