you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
