i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
