After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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