You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
