Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
