Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
