He disabled his match.com account in front of me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
