She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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