When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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