walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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