Having a random hookup so left but love u
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
