Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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