So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize