We won't sleep together?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
