dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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