my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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