im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
