I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
