Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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