You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
