My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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