Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
