Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
