if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Randomize
