that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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