I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
