last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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