3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
