He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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