There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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