I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
third nipple confirmed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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