Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize