Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
